ciaos and cheers to the end of 2019
+ invoking new beginnings
ciao, soulkittens!
welcome to my new column, DISCO LA ROSE!
over the year i’ve observed and reflected on how my coven here would calmly and gracefully send in amazing work every month or so for pussy magic and i was like yeah… i like this. the organization, the calm, the peace, the themes, the community.
i ignored it for a while, but toward the end of 2019 i received multiple clear signs that i am meant to share my work here too.
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throughout 2019, i have experienced many half-commitments in my writing.
it has been a journey and i’ve learned a lot:
i briefly had a column at Tiny Flames Press
which was a mutual and peaceful ending. i was not happy with the work i was doing and maybe not really ready for what i really wanted to be creating.
then i thought, ‘i’m just going to write newsletters!’ (which wasn’t my first time saying that) in which i wrote THREE and then stopped for similar reasons as Tiny Flames and also… EH! i read a few newsletters i really love and i thought, this must be working for them. but you know… it doesn’t work for everyone.
honestly, writing newsletters can feel more like shouting into a void than posting on Instagram or Twitter. i also didn’t want to waste my creative energy on just talking to people’s emails??? seemed counterproductive. it was like trying to build a whole new blog when i already had 2! i also wasn’t jazzed about the content.
and then of course, sharing writing on Instagram, which i’ve done since 2013 and massively slowed down this year not only because i kept switching up branding or my handle, but i also hate feeling like i have to rush to keep up with the machine!!! or create content just for likes/follows!!
it’s a HUGE ZAP of creativity that i’m not into. not to mention having to keep up just to keep everyone’s attention? it feels gross! i also highly recommend watching joseph gordon-levitt’s take on this because RELEVANT.
i started inktober as writetober and made it 4 or 5 days in, only publicly sharing 3.
i started nanowrimo and wrote for maybe 2 or 3 days consistently before work and life greatly caught up with me.
i am excited to create this home for my work that feels like it’s part of something. not just on my own blog, going to inboxes to get lost between junk mail and skincare discounts, and not just under a photo as a CAPTION (my work matters much to me more than just being a photo caption).
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you might have thought while reading that list, ‘why on earth would someone publicly put themselves on blast like this?’
because i know myself. and if you know me, even just on social media, you know that i am very transparent because i believe in authenticity and growth and the power of community and vulnerability.
because i DO commit to things. i have before and i have again and i will continue to! we can’t all commit to everything at all times. that’s a one-way ticket to burnout.
i’m NOT afraid to share my failures so we can all learn from them.
failure is part of not only this strange human process but also the creative process. it’s full of things we commit to and things we don’t… i guess you can say i recognize what’s either not working or what doesn’t feel right very quickly.
also… who said these were even failures? me, apparently, but i think there is more success in discernment here than any actual failure. in fact, it feels like a success to finally land here at pussy magic. it just makes sense.
i’m not stuck anymore… it’s freeing. and i finally started the novel that i’ve been waiting to arrive to my mind since… forever.
2019 has been my time to reel it all back in, including my ‘brand,’ my online presence, and my projects. i’ve been called to focus on what my priorities are and take action on what will bear fruit and stop watering what’s already dying or dead. most times, this requires complete silence and stepping away first.
mostly, 2019 has been a reflection of what i’ve been writing, why i’ve been unsatisfied with it, and contemplating what i do want to write and bring into the world and share publicly vs. what i want/need to hoard to myself a while longer rather than share instantly on instagram.
i’m learning to value the process of editing, sitting with my work and letting it breathe, be with me until it tells me it’s ready, to not put so much damn pressure on it and myself. and not to pressure it with so much perfection that i never release it either.
balance, soulkittens!!!
2019 has been a call to slow down and simplify. this is the call you receive from that wild divine feminine inside when you’ve been spinning your masculine energy wheels out until the rubber is almost gone and you’re skidding down the pavement.
my writing deserves my value and appreciation of it. my art deserves not to be rushed. my creations deserve the time to incubate and grow just like i do. so do yours.
2019 has led me to intend to be more disciplined with my time. and i’m still practicing. staying present. it’s funny, because there is a severely big difference in being hard on yourself and being disciplined, and for too long i was just hard on myself with no actual discipline… and that, my friends, will mess. you. up. mentally. but we will talk more about that in another post.
this is going to be a fun adventure that i am looking forward to narrowing in on and committing to.
for 2020, i invoke the consistency and commitment to my craft. to finally sharing my work in the ways i’ve longed to. to inhabit a safe space where i can share my voice as i’ve intended this space to be for others, i also grant myself this medicine, and where i feel like i’m nestling into an already established and warm place that feels cozy in my heart. it also helps that i’m currently writing this in my cozy, warm home. and so it is!
and i wish for you all to stay consistent and committed in your projects too.
i’m really excited to contribute to pussy magic in a way other than leading, but also writing.
thank you so much for reading. the column officially starts in january 2020, so i will see you sooner than we all think!
xo,
sam rose
you ready for 2020?! tell me in the comments below how your life/writing/art/YOU has/have shifted this year or tweet me @samantharosej.
The Creatrix and Editor in Chief (aka Creatrix-in-Chief) of Pussy Magic, sam is an author, poet, and editor originally from the Bay Area with immense passion for healing self-expression, community, and positively changing the lives of all folx through holistic healing and honoring our sacred selves: mind, body, and spirit.
She's the author of L’ACQUA (2017), is the host of Satin Soulbits, a limited-series podcast focused on womanhood and sexuality, and editor of the Satin Soulbits Blog. Her writing has been featured in The Sonnetarium @ Rhythm & Bones, Occulum, ILY Mag, Rose Quartz Magazine, Tiny Flames Press, and more. sam offers Sacred Serpent Writing + Healing sessions to bring people more intimacy with themselves and their writing which you can find more info about on her website. She currently resides in Los Angeles with her partner and plant babies.
Find more about sam, her writing, and her offerings on her website and follow her #soulbits on Instagram.